her vagine was all disorganized.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Mom said you looked used
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
