You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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