I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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