That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
