Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
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