how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
