I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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