That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
