I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
