Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
