I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
