I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i would punch a child for taco bell
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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