we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
