I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
