Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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