you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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