I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
