We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
