I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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