Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
