Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
