How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
