woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
