Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
