I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
