This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
