I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
