Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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