I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
