she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
