He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
