She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
MIDGETS
????
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
