I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
