They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
