Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
