I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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