$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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