please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
