So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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