It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
