I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
