U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
