You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
