when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
