He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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