Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
