is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
