I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
