I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize