So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Your cock deserves a montage
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
