He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
