My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
