I puked a lego.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
