Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
