I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
