Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
