Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i think my tv is drunk
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize