i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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