32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
