i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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