i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
