i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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