so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
