i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Your penis caused this!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
