According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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