I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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