nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
