I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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