tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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