is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
