I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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