sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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