I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
