If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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