I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
