I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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