Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
