Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
