Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
