She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
