its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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