Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
