Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
