dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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