u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Randomize
