yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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