so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
